The Hangover

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Stories from Shipmates about different branches and life at Sea.

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The English Language 

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dog trainers debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

17. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

18. Ever wonder about those people who spend £2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

19. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

20. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that fifth one ENJOYS it?

The 31st July 1970 saw the last daily issue of rum to junior and senior rates.  Tot Time was a very social occasion and a time when many discussions took place, apart from religion and politics.    The rum ration, or "tot", from 1850 to 1970 consisted of one-eighth of an imperial pint of rum at 95.5 proof (54.6% ABV), given out to every sailor at midday. Senior ratings (Petty Officers and above) received their rum neat, whilst for junior ratings, it was diluted with two parts of water to make three-eighths of an imperial pint of grog. The rum ration was served from one particular barrel, also known as the "Rum Tub", which was ornately decorated and was made of oak and reinforced with brass bands with brass letters saying "The Queen, God Bless Her".   Sailors under 20 were not permitted a rum ration, and were marked on the ship's books as "UA" (Under Age) but often got sippers if they had done a favour for a messmate.

During one of the Bahamas patrols we anchored close to South Anguilla, an uninhabited island that was often used for R&R, banyans etc. 

This time our stay was to be short and Special Sea Dutymen, which included the focsl party, were NOT fallen out. 

However, the Cox’n in the wheelhouse with the QM and helmsman must have thought that SSD HAD fallen out but hadn’t heard the pipe, so they left the wheelhouse. 

In due course the Captain gave the order to “Weigh” and when the anchor was aweigh ordered “Half ahead both engines, 70 revolutions, starboard ten” (or something similar!) 

No response from the wheelhouse! 

Order was repeated…

Still nothing from the Wheelhouse. 

A/B Cameron, the Navigator’s Yeoman, was rushed down to the wheelhouse to man the wheel and telegraphs. The Cox’n and SSD piped to man the wheelhouse at the double. 

The Captain was very angry, threw his cap to the deck, uttered a few choice Anglo Saxon words with the ship not under control and possibly drifting towards the shore! 

Control was soon regained and the Chief Bos’ns mate was ordered to bring the Cox’n before the Captain as a defaulter